The different labels we can identify with

Being homosexual ("gay") I am sure that there will be lots of men both young and old who are visiting this site who feel that they are gay, or are confused as to whether they might be. It is a tragedy that even in the 21st Century, many gay men experience prejudice and discrimination from their families and communities throughout the world. This may take the form of being isolated, or their sexuality just not being recognized as a valid alternative to a straight lifestyle, to rabid and violent homophobia from individuals and communities resulting in persecution, imprisonment, and even death. And since adolescents experience so much pressure to conform to the expectations of their peers and families, it is quite understandable that adolescents who have gay feelings might ignore or suppress them out of fear of the consequences. In many communities, especially in western countries of the European Community, laws are being introduced to protect the rights of gay people. Nonetheless, there is still a great deal to be done in this area, to raise people's awareness of the pain and distress caused by ignorance and prejudice towards gay people. For young people who identify as gay, or feel that they might be, there are particular pressures upon them which need to be acknowledged and respected. A feeling of isolation can be very real as they may be unable to share their feelings with their friends, for fear of being socially cut-off or ridiculed. Their biggest question often is "Who can I trust ?" Again, and for the same reasons, sharing this knowledge with family members may not be an option. Their sense of isolation can result in feelings of great distress, even depression. For example, it could be that a young person has been identified - by others - as being gay and is being isolated or bullied at school or at home as a consequence. Although some communities don't provide services designed for young lesbians and gay men, in quite a lot of western countries large cities do have specific services to offer support and counselling to them. This often takes the form of safe social groups with strict age limits to protect the young people, which are run by qualified youth workers. If you do want support and are a young person, then you probably could find out if there is a group near you through a lesbian and gay telephone help line, or through a local youth group. The important message is - that for many of you there is help out there, and you don't need to feel totally cut off, without help or support. Many gay men come to an understanding of their sexuality much later in life. Earlier in their lives, they may have consciously suppressed their feelings, and when circumstances change later, they are able to experience these feelings and perhaps act upon them. Oddly, there are some men who have no idea at all that they have gay feelings, and a one-off event triggers a reaction which results in them adopting a gay lifestyle. This is a clear example of the need to understand that sexual identity is a fluid and ever-changing process which continues throughout our lives. However, even with older men, support and understanding are needed to help them adapt to what it might be like to be gay. If you identify yourself in this category, there are organizations in many communities which can help by supporting you through this process of change. Many communities run lesbian and gay telephone support lines which can in themselves be very supportive, and can also inform you of what groups or counselling are available to assist you at such times in your life. I appreciate that some of you who are gay may be struggling with this issue. I want to reassure you that being gay although it may seem to you to be the end of the world, does not have to be. There are very many gay men living full and active lives, who see their lifestyle as being different rather than inferior to that of straight people. Another myth I wish to shatter is the belief that you must tell everyone you are gay if you are to live a gay lifestyle. Sure - in an ideal world that would be great, but based upon the society you may be living in, it might not be possible. It is important to seek support and the friendship of both other lesbians and gay men, and also other straight people who you know you can trust to be supportive of you. Being "out" to yourself is what counts, and coming out to others can wait until you are ready and willing to do so. Being heterosexual ("straight" ) Generally in most communities throughout the world, being heterosexual is the norm, and therefore it's unlikely that if you're straight that you have experienced hatred or discrimination based upon your sexual identity. It is more likely that you may experience disapproval based upon your sexual behavior if it goes against the beliefs or values of your religious or cultural communities. An example might be having sex outside marriage, which might in some communities be strictly forbidden by custom or even in law, resulting in prosecution or isolation from families and friends. So being straight and living a heterosexual lifestyle can have its own difficulties, as there may be more pressure from family and the community to adopt their values. An example would be getting married and having children, which may be commitments you are not ready to make. Being Bisexual ("Bi" ) This is where a person is either able to or needs to establish sexual or emotional relationships with persons of both sexes. Some people may think, "Wow, aren't they lucky!". But for some bisexuals this is not the case, and bi people are sometimes misunderstood by both the straight and gay communities. Some married men may identify themselves as being bisexual, in that they have a steady and loving sexual relationship with their wives, but seek relationships with men also, in order to satisfy a deep need that seems like it must be fulfilled. There is a growing awareness that bisexuals have very specific issues that often go unaddressed by main-stream gay support organizations. In many communities there are support groups and help-lines in major cities aimed at providing support to bisexuals.