Male Health

Let's get something clear. Your body and its health is your responsibility. If you're lucky enough to have a partner, don't expect them to do this for you. There are shedloads of resources on the net for health. This doesn't try to take the place of any of them. What I want to do is to make you aware of stuff. I won't cover sexually transmitted diseases. No point, because there is a lot of stuff out there about them. Breast Cancer Men have breasts too. OK, you call them "pecs", or anything else you want, but they are basically breasts. Not great pendulous things, nor particularly functional things except that they are pleasingly erotic when nibbled and sucked, but they are breasts. And when you were born they may even have produced a minute amount of milk. Check for yourself in the references on medical sites it you don't believe me. Since they are breasts they can get cancer. And men need to check for lumps just like women do. Only we don't get the mass screening programmes that women are often given worldwide, so we have to do the whole shebang ourselves. Plus we have to get embarrassed and see the doctor and report it. "Doctor, I have a lump in my breast!" How to check? Easy enough. The key is to relax after a warm bath and using fingertips massage each breast gently and check for "odd" textures. It's always worth checking if the same oddness exists on each side. If so, it may well be normal. But swallow your pride and get it checked anyway. If it is on one side and not the other, visit your doctor as a matter of importance. Just to make certain you go, caught early it can be removed, as a LUMP, not as a breast. No big deal. You'll probably get all sorts of chemo and radio therapy, but it beats dying. Caught late, you lose a breast (best case), and risk dying before you've done everything you want to in your life. So check on a monthly schedule. Testicular Cancer Probably gay men are more aware of their bodies that straight men. For some weird reason it seems that men do not feel their own balls. Why the heck not? To me, it's daft. Since the balls are an integral part of erotic love play, whether sucked, fondled, squeezed gently, or simply stroked (yes I know there are more extreme things you can do to them, but that ain't for me!), then I just can't understand why men don't notice if their balls are "odd". So, what should they be like? Ovoid (Ok, egg shaped), firm (that means not rock hard, but not squidgy), regular shaped, linked by a tube to the internal workings, uniformly tender if squeezed too hard. What they will not be is the same size as each other. Just rarely, one may be literally not connected by a tube. If you find this, check your medical records. It may be a prosthesis. Many reasons, but check the records. No need to be concerned. We only need one! Just makes comparison a lot harder! What you are looking for as an early indicator of testicular cancer, is "oddness". This can be that one gets larger, suddenly, or at an alarming rate. It can be an odd texture. It can be that one even shrinks. Risk making an embarrassed fool of yourself, and go to your doctor. He will, of course, need to fondle your balls. You may even get the old "up and under" prostate exam! Treat these as a major bonus if the doctor is attractive. So check on a monthly schedule. Please. And don't worry of you even have to have both testicles removed. Hormone Replacement Therapy means that you won't be less of a man. And you can have a pair of prostheses for those "Shower Room Moments"! Phimosis If you're circumcised, this will not concern you. For 99.9% of uncircumcised men and boys Phimosis is irrelevant. But for those of us who are unfortunate, then it is important. It's important enough to be taken very seriously. There are many resources available. This link is just one of them. So, let's define it. Phimosis is a constriction of the tip of the foreskin which either prevents or seems to prevent it from retracting, either fully or completely. Of course the medics' usual reaction is to say "Circumcision". And in a very few cases this may be the sole solution. But only in a few. If the foreskin is simply tight, something which many, many boys and men have had over the ages, then it is a simple thing to deal with, as long as force isn't used. If we go all the way back to infancy, the only person who should ever touch a boy's foreskin is the boy himself. No-one else. Not the mother, not the father, and certainly no doctors! Much damage can be caused by some fool trying to withdraw a foreskin to "clean under it". If you want to argue the point, I'll tell you my medical history! [you will get linked straight back to this spot just click the "back" link at the foot of the new page] While doctors will classify and reclassify, there are really two types of phimosis. The "natural" one where the opening is not yet large enough, and that caused by damage and scar tissue from the damage. Each type is simple to resolve, though the second must be caught early, before more damage occurs. For health, hygiene, proper sexual function, fun and much more, the foreskin must withdraw freely. But this is only truly necessary in adulthood. Around puberty it kind of becomes fun to withdraw the thing anyway! And when it withdraws easily, then it can be cleaned under. Gently and simply. If simple withdrawal is impossible, visit your doctor, tell him that you do NOT wish to be circumcised, and ask for help and advice in gentle stretching and easing the opening. You should ask for "betnovate" ointment (a cortico-steroid with a thinning effect on skin) as an aid to stretching. This is a slow process. Rushing it will damage the skin and give you a serious problem: tears in the skin, and the formation of scar tissue. Now scar tissue is a major challenge, because it isn't elastic. And you need it to be elastic to withdraw properly. Scare tissue means a visit to the doctor now, today. It can be cured if it's a small patch, with the same ointment and gentle stretching as a naturally tight foreskin. But if you damage it again it will increase the scar tissue and the cycle will go round and round again until it won't withdraw at all. Circumcision Ok, this is more a plea. And I do recognise that circumcision is sometimes necessary. Sometimes. Irretrievable damage can mean that a foreskin must be removed. But before you consider it, read about sexually mutilated children, and read quotes about circumcision. The operation removes a huge number of sensitive nerve endings, removes sexual sensation, sometimes damages the underlying penis structures, and is exquisitely painful. And it's done to children in religious ceremonies with no anaesthetic, with them held struggling to be brave, in public forums. If you have to be circumcised, or if you choose to be circumcised, then ensure that the surgeon does not remove your frenulum. Be very specific when you sign the consent form, for removal of the frenulum will cripple your sex life. And if you are a circumcised man with no frenulum, then you have a possible negligence case against your surgeon. Prostate Most gay men know where their prostate is by intimate experience. Most straight men could probably tell you, and give a weird knowing shudder because it is "inside", and in a "dirty place". Thankfully most modern sex manuals suggest that your partner stimulates your prostate with a finger while giving you oral sex, so a very few non-gay men are beginning to learn where it is. The problem is that none of us knows exactly what it should feel like. Which means that we don't know when it's in trouble. Since it gives so much orgasmic pleasure, whether stimulated directly or not, it is something we don't want to lose. I'd rather lose a testicle than my prostate! Or even both of them! So, how to know something is wrong? Mostly it comes down to piss. If you need a piss, but somehow can't finish (feeling unfinished, not dribbling), If you need a piss, but somehow never can get started, If you take a piss, but never seem to finish (dribble on for ever), If you take a piss, think you've finished, put it away, and then get a sudden leakage, If you take a piss, and it just dribbles instead of flowing, If you take a piss, and need another one almost immediately, If you need a piss suddenly, for no good reason, when it isn't appropriate, and you just know you ought not to need one, If your underwear starts to smell of stale piss, but you are normally fastidious in your cleanliness, If any of these are true, then you need a check up. It may be a simple bladder infection, or even cystitis, or a side effect of urethritis from unprotected anal sex. But get it checked out. If your partner notices a difference in size or texture, get it checked out The check up is simple, painless, and amusing. The doctor will put gloves on, get some K-Y, ask you to strip and lie on your side. "You'll feel little pressure behind, Mr Smith. Try to relax." At which point he's actually finished. Now I'd be much more interested in being manipulated to orgasm to check full function! Not a chance! Don't believe all that you read in stories! And if it is enlarged? Talk to the doctor about you and your needs and desires. Do some research on the net. Find out and discuss the best treatment for you. And then get it sorted. The quicker you get started the less prostate you will lose. "Burning" on Urination Deeply unpleasant. Like a fire in the penis. Not just in the "exposed part", either, but often going deep inside, almost to the bladder, or actually to the bladder. There is also a feeling of increased urgency to piss, or increased frequency of pissing. Regrettably you have either a bladder infection or urethritis. Both of these are dead simple to deal with. If it's a long established problem, you need the doctor. If you are at all concerned, you need the doctor. If there is blood in the urine, you definitely need the doctor. If the self help stuff here doesn't help, you need the doctor. Self Help There are two main things to do in order to make life more pleasant and to give the infection a chance to heal. Well there is a third, too. And it's the most important. If you indulge in unprotected penetrative anal intercourse inside your partner, start to use a condom. Unless you do, you are likely to reinfect yourself, and make the problem worse, perhaps intractable. You need to treat the infection fast, or it will take a hold. After you've eliminated the cause of the infection, perhaps even before, do what sounds like the very worst thing. Drink lots of water. I mean lots. Take a pint and drink it now. Then drink a pint each hour until you're pissing like a fire hose, and keep drinking. If you're metric, take a wine bottle full. And drink it like medicine. If there is a drink called "Barley Water" in your country, buy some and drink it. If not, buy some pearl barley, soak it and boil it in water, and drink the resulting liquor. Flavour it by all means. But drink. The objective is to dilute the strong urine as far as possible so that it no longer burns when you piss. Try to use alkaline stuff to flavour it, maybe bicarbonate of soda unless you are sodium intolerant, but that isn't as important as dilution of urine. Ok, you'll be spending most of your time peeing for a good while, but it's better than hurting. Leaving urethral infections untreated leads to major complications. If the infection erodes the lining of the urethra sufficiently you may need a urethroplasty. This is not a procedure you want. I know. For other reasons I have had one. Just to give you an idea of what is involved, read below: If you were uncircumcised, you will be circumcised now. Say "goodbye" to a lot of highly sensitive cells and nerves you used to enjoy sex with. The penis is opened along the urethra for the length of the diseased tissue The old tissue is surgically removed New tissue is removed surgically from the inside of the mouth (The urethra is quite large - expect to have most of the inside of your cheek removed, apparently it grows back) The cheek is sewn together. Do not expect to be able to open your mouth wide for ages. Giving a blow job is not possible. Mind you, you won't want to receive one, either. If you had a foreskin, that may well be used in addition to the mouth skin. It's good with urine, but it does grow hair. It isn't ideal If there is insufficient skin in your mouth and removable from the shaft of your penis, the scrotum can be used. However, this is not wonderful because it and urine are incompatible. It can need replacing after some years. It also grows hair. The new tissue is then sewn in to the penis, sewn in at the edges and also at various places in the centre of the graft. Expect about 30 to 40 stitches on a large graft. A surgical pressure dressing the shape of a large tampon is sewn into the penis to press the graft into place using ten or more stitches with nylon fishing line. This dressing takes quite a lot of strain. A catheter is inserted to piss through. Sleeping is fine. Waking is evil. An erection is exquisitely painful, pulling several tens of stitches, and making your penis feel more aroused! A literal vicious circle. You will fear sleep. After about 3 days the catheter is removed. You now piss on the tampon, which soaks up the urine and starts to smell foul After a fortnight the tampon, which now stinks, is removed. Did you think you would now feel normal? Not a chance. The penis is still slashed open along the length of the wound, and the stitches take a while yet to vanish. You will be also pissing from where the catheter finished for the next four months. Oh, and the shaft skin is sewn to the makings of the new urethra and is no longer mobile, so achieving orgasm is "interesting". Penetrative sex is possible, but I doubt you will want a sore wound anywhere near your partner's anus. Too tight, and too much danger of infection if the would were to be opened by accident. Finally the surgeon will sew the open slash back into a tube shape. This time you get the catheter for a fortnight. Your frenulum is no nowhere to be seen. So sexual sensation is now seriously diminished. So, I guess you will agree that treating and preventing urinary tract infection early on is worthwhile!   Ballanitis Xerotica Obliterans BXO Lichen Sclerosis These sound awful. They're painless, but they are awful. They are all names for the same thing. White skin patches on the penis, looking soft, but feeling hard, are the main symptoms of this painless ailment. It seems to be associated with vitiligo (loss of pigmentation on the skin, often the face - Look at Michael Jackson!) No-one can tell you what causes it. A virus is blamed. It likes damp places. It has nothing to do with whether you are circumcised or not. It just happens. It often arrives after damage, sometimes surgical damage. Or it may not arrive at all. Often the glans is involved. Rhinoceros hide forms on it. It begins to look, well, yuck. And sensitivity decreases. It's gradual. So you won't notice it. Not until it's upon you. Some sources say it is pre-cancerous. I had it. My surgeon says that the jury is out on whether or not it's pre-cancerous, but he prefers to excise it. Cut it out. Because it isn't curable. Just removable. Advice from a sufferer? See your doctor today. If he hasn't heard of BXO, find the best dick doctor (urologist) you can who is also a plastic surgeon, and get referred to him. And treat it as urgent. Because it is. If it is pre-cancerous, you could lose your penis. Information is scarce. The net has very little on the subject. Believe me, I've looked. So make sure you help yourself. Don't be scared of it, because it spreads slowly, but do get it sorted out before it spreads to a bit you can't lose! Today I met Dr Valerie Walkden at a hospital in the UK. The conversation turned to BXO - she is a dermatologist. She gave me this document on BXO, otherwise known as Lichen Sclerosis. I have also included it in the Phimosis, BXO, and Circumcision sections Bleeding from the Anus This one can be hugely serious. The need for urgency depends on the volume of blood. Probably, if you are reading this, your bleeding is not a large volume, and you are concerned instead of worried. You may still be scared, though. So let's deal with the urgent stuff straight away. If the blood is bright red [arterial blood], or "clean" and dark red [venous blood], and comes in what you feel to be a worrying quantity, major blood loss may be involved. Stop reading this and call the emergency services now. Better to look and feel an idiot later if you were wrong, than to be dead. Still reading? Ok, then the blood loss must be relatively trivial, and you're either simply worried, or embarrassed. There is still one major area to be worried about. Have you or your partner inserted anything sharp into your anus? Piercing the bowel wall isn't painful at the time of injury, but it will allow bowel bacteria into the abdomen. There is a major danger of massive infection, peritonitis, so swallow your embarrassment, and call your doctor. Now! Other bleeding is likely to come from an anal fissure (tear) caused by either insertion of too large an object or insertion too fast or without sufficient lubricant. These sting. They sting like hell. They need to be kept clean, and treated with a simple germicidal ointment (ointment is oily, so use it instead of cream, which is often water based). It helps if the faeces are not rock solid, so eat plenty of fibre in your diet. Don't use laxatives. Avoid spicy foods. If faeces are hard, consider an enema to loosen things up simply and easily. Refrain from anal sex until several days after the day you are "sure it will be ok". Opening the same fissure over and over again will lead to scar tissue, and this will eventually make dilation of the anus very difficult. Ignoring the pleasures of anal sex, which will become impossible, passing faeces becomes difficult and surgical intervention is then needed. Darker, clotted blood may come from piles, haemorrhoids. Varicose veins inside the rectum. Sorry, but piles mean the surgeon. Forget "Preparation H", just swallow your pride and let the gastro-enterologist enjoy looking up your arse! This area is vital to keep healthy. There is too much potential for infection to delay. If in any doubt, go and see your doctor. Do it today. One thing, though. A smear of blood on toilet paper, just a smear, is nothing to worry about if it is a rare thing. More than that? Find out what is causing it. Lost Toys Well they can get lost. Most sex toys are designed for vaginal use. There are very, very few toys designed for purely anal play. And, in case your anatomy knowledge is poor, the vagina is a short thing, and the anus leads to a rather long intestine. So toys designed for vaginal play can get lost in the anus. There is good news. The body is naturally designed to expel matter from the intestine via the rectum and anus. So the thing you lost is likely, but not certain, to pop out of its own accord. So, before you panic, let's look at what will almost certainly pop back out naturally: any item equally slim and "rounded" at each end almost any smooth and pliable item any item which was easy to insert, provided it had a relatively rounded "outer "end Of course you may well want to get rid of certain items immediately, especially if the item you've lost is a vibrator with its engine running! Sounds fun, but I have it on good authority that a good vibrator buzzing away inside you "lost", with a fresh set of batteries can become extremely aggravating after a while! Removal of the easy items is pretty simple. Lubricate the anus well, and simply wait for nature. If you don't want to wait? Then use a very soapy enema, but fill yourself gently to let the water trickle past the obstruction, and expel the water relatively gently, too. There are objects which will be a problem, though. These require the major embarrassment of a trip to the doctor. And they've heard all the damnfool excuses before. "I was walking round my bathroom, when I sat on the perfume bottle by accident" is not believable. Just say "Look, I got this thing stuck, and I need help." Items which need help include badly designed toys with very fat bases that you were too enthusiastic with, or poor quality toys which break. They also include things that were never designed for sex play at all. The list below includes some of the items retrieved from patients by doctors: light bulb broken broomstick coke bottle screwdriver (handle was inserted first - presumably the user lost his grip on the blade) lump of concrete (interview afterwards showed that an enema with concrete had been given. Why??) Tennis Ball (yes, it might have come out by itself) Most of these were simple to remove. The concrete was a challenge - you can find it on the net somewhere, if you search - it needed lubrication, plus being eased gently from the bowel walls. This item is now in a medical museum because it is a wonderful plaster cast of the inside of the gut! Do NOT attempt self help, however embarrassing the situation is, when the item is causing worry or distress. Get medical help NOW. Tearing your anus, or puncturing your gut, would be a serious error. And delay means that nature will apply its own massive pressure which may do just that. Please use safe toys only. I know we've all tried anything at hand when the mood takes us. The old joke is true enough. Question: "How do you get four poofs on a stool?" Answer: "Turn it upside down." I blame my son for that joke and this section! Premature Ejaculation Well, it's less of a big deal than most people think. Unless it's you, of course. When it becomes a big deal very quickly. No pun intended. It's nature at its most efficient, but it screws up love making bigtime. OK, logic doesn't seem too great when you or your partner suffer from it. But logic's the way to tackle it. And if logic fails, then a little mild local anaesthetic. Since mucking about with anaesthetics doesn't sound much fun, let's look at logic first. A premature orgasm is usually caused by nervousness or extreme excitement Oddly, it is flattering to your partner, if hugely inconvenient for you Orgasms are conventionally required after a "reasonable" period of lovemaking. Nature tries to produce an orgasm as fast as possible. Remember when you were a kid, you could achieve one by yourself in less than ten seconds? Today you are a lover, no longer a fast firing kid. But as kid you could delay orgasm as well. Changing hand technique increased or decreased stimulation. And you could even stop, drop back from the edge, and start again. So now, with a partner, there must be a difference. Something's changed and it makes you fire even before you've been touched. Well for that part, we need either to move to mild local anaesthetic creams, or "long stay" condoms. But first try something simple. Grasp your scrotum just above your balls. gripping medium hard, pull downwards sharply but "kindly". Yes, you're going to hurt your balls. And the pain, which you control, may well delay the orgasm. Well, it would, wouldn't it? You can ask your lover to do it for you, if you prefer. OK, you may be the one guy in twenty that gets sent over the edge by it, but it's worth a try. Assuming it's worked, and you can hold each other, then you're in with a fighting chance of learning to control your sensations during sex in the same way that you do with your hand. Your lover needs to help you. However strong the temptation, touching your penis needs to be avoided until you're ready. This is reasonable. Having someone else touch you there is awesome. But in your case you need to take care. There is an alternative. Why not just let the first orgasm wash over you, and then make love to achieve a second one? Some people find this successful. Others find it difficult to achieve a second erection soon enough for their lover. This takes practice. It also takes a good lover who is supremely patient to help you. Most of all it takes the ability to relax. Which gives me an idea. A paradoxical idea. Booze produces brewer's droop. Mild booze produces mildly numbed sensation. And mild booze produces a romantic evening. And relaxation. So, if you get it right, a couple of glasses of wine, a soft romantic glow, and a good lover, you may well find it works just right. If not, it's down to the creams. The UK has a product I keep seeing advertised! "Stallion Delay Spray". Must be worth a try. And if self help doesn't work for you, so involve your doctor. As an assistant! He get's struck off if he acts as a lover! Finally, please do NOT use double condoms to try to reduce sensitivity. The most important reason is that one comndom rubbing on the other will cause sufficient friction to destroy the protective barrier between yoiu and infection. The other reason is that, mostly, premature ejaculation is caused by intense mental not emotional stimulation. Impotence Well, there are many definitions. Let's stick at "unable to achieve an erection", or "unable to make an erection last until orgasm". You probably need a combination of things here. The main thing is a lover who is willing to be patient, and even forego full sexual pleasure while helping you. The thing to work with comes from two sexual therapists, Masters and Johnson. Yeah, they always get a mention with droop. But they have a point, and it's worth trying. Set up a romantic room. Avoid alcohol. Become naked together, and learn to stroke each other all over but not the sexual parts. This takes time. The first few times you aren't going anywhere near genitals. You're going to hug, and stroke, and massage, and talk about what you enjoy. An erection is to be ignored totally. There is no need to even consider an orgasm. It's a time for learning to touch. Learning to love. You need to learn to worship each other. Gradually you can introduce genital caress. Not with a view to orgasm, nor with a view to sustaining an erection when one starts, but just to re-learn pleasant sensations. Later, assuming this is successful at creating a sustained erection you can aim for orgasm. Now that was a start. In simple cases it is likely to be all that is needed. But things aren't always simple. One beacon shines out, though. Erect or flaccid, the penis is designed to produce an orgasm. Stroking the glans of a penis which is physically undamaged, and stroking it with care, will produce an orgasm. It takes practice, it takes time, it takes learning the technique, and it works. Great for you, but maybe a bummer for your partner if penetration by you is required. Lack of erection is likely to have a cause that a doctor can help with. Go and see your doctor. Discuss any drugs, prescription, over the counter, and recreational, that you are using, and the effect they may have. Eliminate anything you can that destroys erections, and work from there. Penis Pumps Penis "Rings" Anal Stimulation Viagra Surgery Electronic Or Electrical Stimulation The Penis Pump is often sold as a penis enlarger. That's a confidence trick. It will enlarge it, sure. But it does it from flaccid to erect. And when the pump is removed, the erection wilts. The pump needs to be used in conjunction with a Penis Ring. This is an external ring which you place round the bas of the penis, sometimes around the scrotum as well, after you have pumped and before removing the pump. Its job is to "hold" the erection. It works. The erection is sort of artificial, and you must remove the ring before the blood goes "stale" and your penis is damaged irretrievably, but it works. Penetrative sex is back. You can buy this over the counter, but a specialist doctor is better placed to advise you that the toyshop sales assistant. Anal Stimulation is far easier to talk about if you're gay that if you're straight. Gay men accept anal play and decide for themselves whether they wish for anal intercourse. I'm not talking about anal intercourse, though. I'm talking about devices that stimulate the prostate and the anal sphinctre, and which will stay put during the bucking and rearing of full blow, all out sex. You need to visit several toyshops, and have the budget for a few assorted toys. Butt Plugs, Anal Plugs. That's the section to look at. Shy? Stuff "shy". This is your happiness we're talking about. Like everything, going through the door for the first time is the hardest part. Once inside it's fascinating! You could use e-shopping, sure, but judging size and potential comfort isn't easy online. The plug's job is to stay inside you, to be comfortable, to feel erotic, and to stimulate the prostate. The prostate is the "orgasm centre" of your body. Stimulating it is likely to produce an erection. Even if it doesn't, it's going to help you reach orgasm. Viagra is an interesting solution. Do NOT buy it online to "try it out". Consult your doctor, even if you are otherwise healthy. Viagra is contra-indicated with several physical ailments, some of which are hard for you to detect yourself, and others of which are impossible. It works. But not for everyone. It depends on the underlying issues, because some of them are not "viagra-able" Surgery is a potential solution to long term and permanent lack of erection. There are several types of procedure. The two most common are the insertion of implants. The simple type keep the penis erect, but you can bend it up or down at will. It'll make your swimsuit look unusual, though. The second type is inflatable, with the pump mechanism inserted inside the scrotum, and a valve to allow you to deflate it. Penile Surgery hurts. It hurts a lot. Up to you. Electrical or Electronic Stimulation is a bit of a facer. For years farmers have used electro-ejaculators on livestock to make it easy to collect semen for artificial insemination programmes. The device is inserted anally, stimulates the animal's prostate, creates an erection, and causes ejaculation. The poor animal is somewhat bewildered, and semen is collected. Not surprisingly people have used these devices on themselves. But beware. Some of them are "industrial strength", and will be dangerous. I don't fancy inserting one, pressing the switch, and frying my prostate. Do you? You also have to be aware that electrical devices are associated with torture. Almost all brutal regimes torture men anally and genitally. Why? Because torturers are sadists. And they get off on it. However, if you want information on how to create your own device, and self creation is recommended if you follow the instructions properly, then there are plenty of online resources. Search for "Electrosex". There used to be a club on Excite which went into some detail on it. It may be still there, but Excite has a policy of trashing adult content clubs, especially anything to do with the anus. You'll have to read all the shit about torture, and see that most of the sites are S&M sites. OK, you can do that. This is legitimate research. In those sites are descriptions of devices which may or may not be useful. With experiment it may even by that you can have an electrode each, and the stimulation starts when sex starts! DO use care. Electricity is dangerous. It is perfectly possible to kill yourself if you make an error with amperage. You can also use a TENS machine and its electrodes. I don't vouch for whether any of these self help this will work for you. They have worked for other people. Your most important resource is your doctor. Just go, and talk about it. It isn't unmanly, nor embarrassing (well it is, a little). It's unlikely to be permanent, so get help. Late or Impossible Orgasm So, you can pound away for hours and no orgasm happens. Your partner is more than satisfied, and all you get is a feeling of emptiness. You're powerless to finish. Sometimes you get close, but it just will not happen. You get sweaty, your partner's insides start to get sore, your penis starts to melt with the friction, but all that happens is that you run out of stamina. So what's the good side? Your partner gets the good side. Your partner is so satiated that you get ordered to stop. Stopping is a relief in a way, because you have no idea how to make this damned orgasm happen insde your partner. Masturbation is fine. It works then. But only if you do it. If your partner does it nothing happens. It is so frustrating it's unbelievable. Ok, you can boast about your staying power. Whoopee! This needs help. Start with your doctor and a full examination of your penis. Does it have all its working parts? Is the glans membrane (it isn't skin, it's a mucous membrane) damaged in any way? Is your frenulum intact? Are you taking any drugs? What are their side effects? Mention BXO to your doctor. It may be the cause. If all is normal, then you may be able to achieve orgasm on penetration by using a butt plug. You need to visit several toyshops, and have the budget for a few assorted toys. Butt Plugs, Anal Plugs. That's the section to look at. Shy? Stuff "shy". This is your happiness we're talking about. Like everything, going through the door for the first time is the hardest part. Once inside it's fascinating! You could use e-shopping, sure, but judging size and potential comfort isn't easy online. The plug's job is to stay inside you, to be comfortable, to feel erotic, and to stimulate the prostate. The prostate is the "orgasm centre" of your body. Stimulating it is likely to produce an erection. Even if it doesn't, it's going to help you reach orgasm. If it's difficult to achieve orgasm on masturbation, the anal stimulation while masturbating is likely to help. Two types of toy work well. The slim, rigid vibrator to provide intense local stimulation of your prostate, or the larger, fatter, soft ones, to simulate a penis. Obviously a real penis is even better! Unless you aren't gay, that is! There are many men who have trouble with orgasms. Only we don't talk about it much. it isn;t "manly" to talk about it. Funny really. When we were twelve, we found it fine to talk about it. Your partner needs to know why you're crying, it makes you cry, and then needs to help you in whatever way you need. I've Been Raped Straight boys, teens, and men never consider the possibility of being raped. It "doesn't happen". But it does. Almost always it is nothing to do with sex. I'll repeat that. Almost always it is nothing to do with sex. It has to do with power, not sex. Power. The rapist using the power of his body to impose his will on the person who is raped. Penetrating the victim's body with his penis is the ultimate power trip for the rapist. So is your distress, and the pain he is causing you. If it were to do with sex, why would straight men rape gay boys when they beat them up? And yes, it's almost always a straight man carrying out the rape. And he's not ever going to be gay. A power trip. Ok, there are always exceptions. And if you were raped by a gay man, I know you were one of those exceptions. I said "almost always". There are gay rapists too. First things first. Rape is a crisis. And a crisis removes rational thought. So remembber, there are things you need to do. This isn't an exhaustive list, but it's common sense. If you are a boy and have been raped by a family member, choose another one that you can trust. Go to them and talk to them. Do it now. And if it was a "friend of the family" do NOT believe any lies he tells you, for all he tells you is a pack of lies. Talk to your chosen family member today. But, if the family is abusive (at least one of my frineds lived in a totally abusive family) find a good person to tell. And insist that they help you. And if they will not, then go yourself to the police. Do it today. You did not deserve the rape, and you deserve to be free from it. Do not wash yet. However tempting to wash the rapist off your body, you need all the evidence you can get. This man needs to be stopped. If being raped has triggered your "dump reflex" try to contain it. It does pass. If you absolutely HAVE to go, collect the dump in a clean utensil. ANY clean utensil. You'll need the evidence. Do not go home. Call the police. Going home dilutes your evidence in court. "It can't have been that bad. You went home first." Of course, if home is nearest, go home! Be prepared to have your body touched intimately by medics. It will be unpleasant. It may even be painful. It is necessary whether you are collecting evidence for a prosecution or not. A medi ccan see if you have internal injuries that need attention. Try your very best to relax, and just treat it as a non event. You have the right to have a friend with you at all times. You have the right to insist that a particular person is NOT present during any examination or interview. This protects you if that person himself was the rapist and is pretending to be your friend to the authorities. Accept that you will cry. A lot. And make sure your friend knows this. Tell your friend if being touched is difficult for you. Try to accept a warm, soft, safe touch as soon as possible. You need to be able to be touched by people you like and love. If you are not gay, KNOW something clearly. You were not raped because you "looked gay", "led him on", or did anything to make him believe that you were gay. Remember, you are not gay because you have been raped, nor can being raped make you gay. That you have been raped does not make you dirty, nor does it make you less attractive. Recognise that you will feel guilt. This sounds ludicrous, but it's true. Tell your friend as soon as you can that you feel this guilt, and listen when you are told that it was not your fault. It is a proven fact that victims feel guilt. A weird thing, but true. It was not your fault. Not even if the sex happened during a date. "Misreading signals" is not an excuse for rape. The word "NO" is very specific. Being raped is never the victim's fault. Learn to talk about your experience. I have mixed views about the "counselling industry", there are many charlatans and people who just couldn't get jobs in the real world. That doesn't detract from the many good people who happen to counsel, some professionally. Find a person to speak to who offers a firm shoulder to cry on. And cry. Do it face to face, by phone, or anonymously online. Just make sure that you challenge any advice given to you before choosing whether to accept it or reject it. Be prepared to argue against advice to find out the rationale for it. When prosecuting the rapist, be prepared to rape HIM in court. People will tell you quite rightly that the courtroom experience will bring the entire experience back to you. But don't go in as a victim. Straight or gay it is not your sexuality on trial here, nor your prior sexual activity (if in an uncivilised country which still allows this as evidence). It is the bastard who raped you who is on trial. Your turn. Firm eye contact, even with him, no especially with him. Confident voice. Rape the bastard in court by telling the truth. Treat the judge and the prosecutor as your friends, and ask them for help if things get tough. Know one wonderful thing! When convicted, his jail buddies are likely to rape him, especially if oyu are not an adult. Child rapists get treated very badly in jail. Old justice is often the best! Check out this link to Resources for those who have been assaulted. It opens a new window, so this one will stay open. There are other people who have suffered. Somehow it seems better if you aren't alone. Realise that it is possible to have been infected with HIV, but know that this is not a death sentence. Learn all you can about HIV,and treat your sex life as though you are HIV+ until proven clear. This is probably the worst part of having been raped. You may also have been infected with a "regular" Sexually Transmitted Disease. Get checked, and get treated. This one is a tough one. You may have had an orgasm while being raped. You may even have enjoyed the physical sensations even though you didn't want the sexual act. And because of this you may blame your body for "letting you down" in some way. Please try to understand something. Fear is a powerful stimulant. In addition, your body is designed to achieve orgasm. It has automatic systems which achieve it whether you want it to or not. They are as automatic as breathing and blood circulation. Orgasms happen. They do not mean that you wanted the sex, nor that you enjoyed the rape. Enjoyable sensations are the same. Discuss this with your friend, and with whoever you have chosen to counsel you. And do not be ashamed, nor embarrassed about it. There are drugs which can be slipped into your drinks or food which are tasteless and odourless and which then remove your free will. Rohypnol is one of these. It's known as the "Date Rape Drug". It renders you powerless. Some people will tell you that you are aware of things that are going on, and retain your memory of them. Others will tell you that it removes any memory. If you suspect that a drug like this has been used on you, then you need a medical examination. You need it now. Symptoms are likeoly to be blurred memories or "dreams", plus an odd sensation in or around your anus. There is likely to be unusual dampness, plus possible signs of bleeding. You many feel an overwhelming urge to take a dump on waking (try to contain this until the medical examination is done - you want evidence and DNA samples), or, if you have already taken a dump it may be an unusual one - looser, or more mucous than normal, or blood filled (dark red and smelling metallic). Since these can also be the symptoms of a hot curry and a large number of pints of lager (a peculiarly British habit), do use mature judgement on your course of action. Above all, remember that people survive rape every day. 99% of them take the steps to resume normal and lively sex lives as soon as possible, and do not remain in fear of rape. It's a horrible crime to have forced on you. But it IS survivable. And it can be survived without any emotional damage, if you have friends, real or online, to help you through the aftershocks. No friends anywhere? Then I have a messageboard on this site to start you off. Post your cry for help there. Or grab any of us by email and talk.