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Scene Virgins
You're ready to make your debut, to charge headlong and heels awhirl into the scene. Before you do, be sure to read this.
This is of course not to say that it is compulsory for every gay and lesbian to be ‘in’ the clubbing scene. There are gays and lesbians who lead equally contented and fulfilled lives, and can count the number of times they have been to gay and lesbian clubs on one hand. Bottom line is, if you’re not comfortable with it, if it isn’t your thing, then don’t. Never feel pressured to be something you’re not.
Of course there is always the looming question hanging above one’s head as one enters the scene for the first time – “Will someone recognise me?” There are a couple of ways to approach this. For one, chances are, whoever you see in the gay clubs is probably there for the same reason as you, and you will be as surprised as him or her to see each other there. If they’re straight, the fact that they’re in a gay joint means they’re not homophobic, so you should have no worries. Contrary to what you may think, seeing and acknowledging people who recognise you will eventually set you free from the unnecessary fear of being recognized by a friend/schoolmate/colleague/relative/neighbour every time you go clubbing.
The next bit is the most important part of this intro course - go with someone who is experienced. Being in a group, even if it means just a pair, is always advisable when you go out clubbing. Without someone who knows what is going on, it can rapidly become a confusing and hazardous place to be in for first timers. The other person’s confidence and experience will help you feel more comfortable. Knowing where to go, making snide comments about the crowd, telling you the dos and donts will keep you on the right path and keep you from doing something you might regret in the morning. Also, there is strength in numbers - even just with two. If you really don’t have any friends to go with you, try not to venture into the great outdoors alone. Start making friends even if they are from the internet, then go down together.
Once in, do what the Romans do in Rome. Grab a drink or dance away, not necessarily in that order. The tough part will come when someone will make a pass at you or try to chat you up. Take all these in your stride and take it as a compliment that someone is attracted to you. There are few things these days that can boost your ego than that. Try not to feel awkward or act nervous or sputter too much. Acting like you know what’s going on, and not speaking too much will usually not give you away! If things work out and you’re comfortable with the other party fine. Though if you attract unwanted attention, agree on a notification system with your group of friends. A ruffle through your hair, for example, could indicate things are ok, while a hand on the hip or a tug on the ear could be a silent scream of “Help save me from this geek!”.
Don’t be surprised if things get slightly raunchy on the dance floor, when strangers start gyrating next to you, all the while whispering dirty little sweet nothings into your ear. If you’re uncomfortable with it, just very casually face somewhere else and start dancing away from the object of unwanted affections. Also, not everyone who is there might want your attention. Many straight men and women do visit gay clubs purely for the better fun, atmosphere and stylishness of gay/lesbian clubs. So don’t be surprised if some hot member of the opposite sex dances up next to you and starts twirling their hips between your legs!
Many young uninitiated gays and lesbians expect to meet some gorgeous soul mate on the dance floor and leave the club thinking of what to cook for breakfast. Wake up and smell the coffee, honey. More often than not, you’re just going to feel depressed the morning after, regardless of whether they left the club with someone new or not. Live with simpler expectations, and you’ll enjoy the scene more.
The gay clubbing scene can be a lot of fun, and a place where you can be yourself with other gays and lesbians. While it is not THE most essential part of the community, it is the most visible. So if the scene is to your taste, well, Salut! If not, then seek out an event of part of the community that does suit you, and find your happiness in that. Text by David Chew
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..........Scene
Virgins?..........
The
“scene” is the word mostly used in the gay community referring to the
clubbing and partying side of our lives. Most of the people that you will
meet here are those who are comfortable with a certain level of being
‘out’. In a way, it is the one time where us gays and lesbians can
feel we belong and are accepted. It is a place where everyone who has the
same “interest” as you can meet. And more importantly, it is a place
where homophobia is out of the question. It is also a chance for you to
meet other people and hopefully make some friends.
That
said and done, the first step to surviving the jungle out there is to
really decide if you want to get out there and enter the scene. As
brainless as that may sound, making the decision is the first step
(contrary to what some may believe, choosing the right clothes to wear is
NOT the biggest and hardest decision…). By firmly making up your mind,
you have pretty much lessened half of your difficulty in surviving the
night. Push any doubts away and be comfortable with what you have decided
upon. By doing so, you would be more comfortable with yourself, and will
definitely have more fun than if you were jittery and ill at ease
throughout the whole night.
Stepping
out of the door to go clubbing for the first time can be exciting and
memorable. Many remember exactly what they were wearing, where they went,
who they met, etc. Dress in what you’re comfortable in, and bring
essentials like IDs, phone cards or your mobile phone, and appropriate
amounts cash. Don’t expect ATMs to be readily available just round the
corner, nor expect yourself to be sober enough to drive back if you do
drive. NEVER drink and drive.
Doing
your research before hand, finding out which haunt will suit your needs
(and tastes) best is essential to ensuring you do have a great time out.
Certain places cater to certain clientele, or attract a particular crowd.
Some places will tend to attract a much older crowd, others may have
sticky rice or Caucasians, etc. It always helps to know more about the
place you’re going to. Also have a couple of ‘Plan B’s, if the first
place you visit isn’t what you’re looking for. As mentioned above,
going out with someone who knows the clubbing scene well will make all
this easier.
One
important thing to note. Entering the scene can be a heady, immensely fun
experience. But there is always the temptation to overindulge in alcohol,
sex and drugs. Always know your limits when it comes to alcohol, to avoid
being taken advantage of. Besides, it’s so unglam tottering over to the
curb and puking your gonads out. Don’t let alcohol cloud your judgment
– know when to say no. If you decide to engage in sex, always practise
safe sex and never let yourself be carried away by alcohol or the mood of
the moment. As for drugs, remember that even party drugs are considered
illegal in many countries, so it’s best to avoid them. You can have as
much fun without being under the influence of anything stronger than CK
One.
At
the end of the day, it all really depends on what your objectives are for
wanting to enter the gay clubbing scene. If you’re just out to drink and
be merry, pounding your heart out on a dance floor, then expect just that
and enjoy the energy and mood of the scene. Don’t expect more –
getting lucky is a bonus.
The
other very sound piece of advice we would dish out would be to debunk the
popular myth that to be a fully fledged, initiated gay or lesbian, you
really should be out clubbing on the scene, sleeping with as many men or
women as possible. That is so not true! Neither clubbing nor sleeping
around is a gay or lesbian pre-requisite (contrary to what you see on
Queer as Folk, and I know we all love that show…). As we said, many gays
and lesbians enjoy great social lives away from the scene and have
substitute ways of meeting others for friendship and relationships.
Without a doubt, there are those who do enjoy the sexual freedom that
comes within the scene, not that we judge or condone that, but one can go
clubbing, have a remarkable time, and still leave alone at the end of the
night. Just relax, do what feels right and comfortable for you.